After the School of Worship

 

"Every story has an end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning." In my last letter, I shared about how my greatest desire was to experience and be transformed by intimacy with the Lord. What is intimacy? To be intimate with someone is to be close, personal, to become familiar and affectionate with someone, etc... I learned many things in these last 3 months, but one of the biggest things I learned is that because God is so big and so great, true intimacy with Him comes in many different shapes and colors. His love is so tangible and when we seek His presence, we become transformed by the love and knowledge that He pours out over us. I experienced his love and heart for me countless times throughout my life, but in these last few months, I learned that God did not fit in the box I put Him in. There was/is so much more than I could/ can ever imagine...

 

I want to share with you a testimony of a time I encountered Him, through a way I thought I never could...

Have you ever seen Uptown Girls, with Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning? It's a movie about a Nanny who lives in New York and takes care of a rich, and very broken little girl. There's a part where the little girls' dad died, and she ran away to Coney Island. The Nanny was the only one to find her. Alone, the little girl sat on a spinning tea cup ride. The Nanny joined her and together they spun and spun, you could feel the silent tension building. When the ride finished, they got out, and the girl began to repeatedly punch her Nanny in the stomach. With her tiny little fists, she kept punching and punching  with all her might. As she looked down at her little girl, tears continued to fall- not because the punches hurt- but because this little girl- who she loved so much- had a broken heart. When the little girl was tired and couldn't swing anymore, she quickly reached out and held on to her nanny. Her nanny held her in her arms, and wept with her. I experienced a moment like this with God. I was broken, and for the longest time I thought I couldn't yell at God or be upset with Him, because I didn't want him to be mad at me. One day, we broke that lie. He's so big!! We can't hurt Him, but His heart weeps. He weeps when we weep. Scripture even says Jesus wept. After I cried and yelled at God over the things I didn't understand, that were really hurting me, I felt a release of a weight leaving my shoulders, and a strength hugging my heart. I was honest and vulnerable with God. I learned that vulnerability is the connection to depth, but it must be met with commitment. That's all He wants, and He can handle the rest. When I reached that point of peace He began to explain something's that helped me find understanding. This was just one of the many ways I experienced, and was transformed, by true intimacy with Christ.